The Gentleman was a symbol of 19th century Victorian values, etiquette, morals, and beliefs, but even back then, people had no idea what “being a gentleman” specifically entailed.
While most British aristocracy were gentlemen, there was an understanding that being a gentleman wasn’t a birthright. Members of the clergy, high-ranking army officers, and government officials were gentlemen because of their occupation.
A lot has changed since then, and the “classic gentleman” has faded away. However, plenty of men are bringing the traditions back with a noted contemporary twist. Let’s take a look at how you can turn yourself into a modern gentleman with the right clothes and mindset.
The Clothes
As the saying goes, “the clothes make the man,” and while you shouldn’t be superficial or overly concerned with how you look, you should understand that how you dress has a significant effect on how you feel. When you dress professionally, you are more likely to act like a professional. Dressing up for something important—an exam or a first date, for instance—can fill you with confidence. Realize that you only have one chance to make a good impression, and dressing well is a good first step in that direction.
- Shoes: A good pair of shoes offers comfort, support, and versatility. Start with black dress shoes, like a pair of oxfords or wing tips from Rockport, for your formal and business needs along with a pair of casual shoes—sneakers, boat shoes, saddle shoes—for your everyday adventures. Your shoe collection depends on your lifestyle, but you should have at least 3 or 4 pairs of varying styles and colors to rotate through. If you’re unsure of colors, stick with beige, brown, black, navy, and other muted tones, which tend to go well with any outfit.
- Socks: The right pair of socks will keep your feet dry and act as a transition between your shoes and trousers. Your socks should match your pants, but feel free to mix it up with some catchy patterns or colors. If all else fails, stick with black. White tube socks should be worn solely when going to the gym.
- Bottoms: Aim for at least one pair of dark slacks for formal occasions, one pair of lighter chinos for semi-formal events, and a few pairs of jeans in varying shades. Jeans are incredibly versatile, great with just a t-shirt or a shirt and blazer. Generally, the darker the denim, the more suitable for formal occasions. Try to avoid pairs with holes or visible distress. Unless you’re a member of a grunge band, holey jeans aren’t especially flattering.
- Tops: You have your choice of shirts, polos, and tees. There aren’t any rigid rules for your collection of tops as long as they fit (more on that later). Just aim to own a diverse selection of each, giving yourself a wide selection of colors, patterns, and materials. For your starter set of shirts, aim for solid colors and point collars.
- Sweaters: Sweaters are first and foremost about function. Style and color, while still important, are secondary. If you live in colder regions, you should have at least four sweaters for everyday wear. For warmer regions, have one or two on hand for when you travel.
- Jackets, Blazers, and Outerwear: If you own just one jacket, you can’t go wrong with a wool sport jacket or a navy blazer. You should also have one go-to piece of outerwear that can keep you warm and protect you from the elements.
- Suit: Every guy looks slick in a good suit. Own at least one suit in a dark color and timeless style that you can easily match with a white shirt, dark tie, and formal shoes.
- Accessories: Accessories can add character and pull outfits together. Accessories should always complement, never overpower. Some accessories you should keep in your wardrobe include:
– A watch
– A hat
– Sunglasses
– Tie bars
That seems a lot for one man’s wardrobe, but you don’t need an overflowing closet nor do you need to spend too much money. Aim for interchangeable pieces instead of buying the one tie that matched with only one shirt. If you choose carefully, you can get away with just a couple suits, four shirts, four ties, and two pairs of shoes.
Furthermore, think of clothing as an investment. As tempting as it is to go for the cheaper clothes, realize that they have that low price for a reason. They won’t last or feel as comfortable a few wears down the line. Shoes are the best example of this. A good pair of shoes will cost a lot now, but they’ll last you hundreds of wears.
But Does it Fit?
The most important tenet of choosing your clothes is fit. If it doesn’t fit, nothing else about it matters. It won’t look good nor will it be comfortable. Fit refers to how your clothes sit on your body. While a “good fit” means something different based on the person and the item of clothing, any garment of clothing should sit comfortably against you without bunching up or constricting your movements. There should be no sagging, billowing bits of fabric, but you also shouldn’t lose circulation or feel the fabric tug when you move.
All that said, some gentlemen don’t feel the want or need to wear pressed suits and shirts all the time, nor should they. You should dress for the occasion (i.e., you wouldn’t wear a suit to a day at the beach) and for your own comfort. Put some thought into how you dress, but if you feel uncomfortable—physically or otherwise—in any outfit, don’t force it. As long as you can look in the mirror and be happy with how you look, nothing else really matters.
Grooming and Hygiene
It’s easy for gentlemen to forget some of their personal hygiene because of work, school, and other engagements, but practicing good hygiene is the best way to keep yourself looking and smelling good while protecting yourself and others from sickness. This includes:
- Regular showers: You should take at least one shower a day. There’s no secret formula. Wash your hair, scrub your body, and clean your face.
- Shaving: For the hirsute gentleman, a beard or mustache is quite charming, but don’t assume you can go without shaving. A patchy bit of neck scruff is not the same as a well-manicured beard.
- Plenty of deodorant: Body odor is just something you have to deal with as a warm-blooded human that sweats, but with the right deodorant, it shouldn’t be a problem. Avoid sprays, which are overpowering and ineffective. Instead, use a clear deodorant stick with a mild scent. Deodorant should be used for eliminating B.O., not as a cologne.
- Washing your hands: A study found that a remarkable 95 percent of people don’t wash their hands properly, which means scrubbing your hands with soap for at least 20 seconds. Of those who participated, only 50.3 percent of men even used soap. Yuck. Wash your hands properly after every trip to the bathroom and before and after eating or preparing food.
Manners and Etiquette
You might see manners and etiquette and think of rigid, dull rules, but they’re really just a means of showing respect and being a good person. When you practice simple etiquette, you can add confidence to your life and make everyone around you feel much more comfortable.
Certain forms of etiquette have become muddled over the years. For instance, opening doors for others. Some gentlemen ignore it. Most gentlemen overthink it. Opening a door for your date—or really anyone—should come natural. You should open the door, but if your date gets to the door before you, don’t knock her hand away. Simply help her open it, or if she holds it open for you, say thanks. It shouldn’t become a big deal.
Other rules of etiquette haven’t seen much change. Table manners, for instance, are still fairly constant and include such tenets as:
- Clean up after yourself.
- Place your napkin in your lap.
- Chew with your mouth closed. Don’t talk with your mouth full.
- Don’t double dip.
- Take manageable servings. It’s better to ask for seconds than to leave half your food on the plate.
- Say please and thank you.
A Note on Internet Behavior
And then there are entirely new manners born out of technology and our growing interactions via computer. Unfortunately, the anonymity and lack of empathy that comes from interacting with words on a screen can often lead to all kinds of ungentlemanly behavior.
Cynicism, snark, and general mean-spiritedness run rampant online, but you can do your part by conducting yourself properly on the web. Say positive things, or, if all else fails, don’t say anything at all. You don’t need to respond to every comment, blog, or article. Most importantly, remember that there is actually a human being on the other side of the screen. Your words can actually affect them, for better or worse.
Lifestyle
Being a modern gentleman also means living an interesting, enriching life.
Fitness
Do your best to stay fit. You don’t have to be as built as a bodybuilder, but maintaining your personal fitness is good for your heart, mind, and mood. A regular exercise regimen also keeps stress at bay.
Posture
Along with fitness, make sure you practice good posture. Aside from making you look 10 pounds lighter and giving your back a break, good posture makes you bulge out in all the right places, making that suit look and fit even better than you could imagine. Good posture prevents pain, reduces the risk of arthritis, and makes you feel more comfortable and confident.
Reading
Along with the physical activities, don’t forget to exercise your mind with reading. According to a study, only about 45 percent of men read at least one book in 2012. About 37 percent read at least one literary book (novel, short story collection, poetry collection, play). Reading fiction offers some amazing benefits, enriching your mind and stretching your imagination. Fiction builds your creativity, and studies found that literary fiction improves your sense of empathy.
In reality, being a modern gentleman is much easier than you think. A lot of it comes down to your mindset and how you conduct yourself. Being a gentleman is less about being “stuck up” or following a strict set of rules and more about treating yourself and those around you—man, woman, or child—with respect and kindness. It’s okay to have fun and practice individuality just as long as you mind your P’s and Q’s.
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